The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
