you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
