Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
