honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
