she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
