did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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