He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i think my cat just said my name.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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