I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
