I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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