she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
