i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
