Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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