did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
