wanna go halves on a baby?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
