im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
