Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
