Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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