My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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