So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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