Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
