afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
