Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
