Having a random hookup so left but love u
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
