he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
