my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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