I wanna bring you to show and tell
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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