everyone is single if you try hard enough
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
