When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
