i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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