screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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