you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
