I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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