You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
