awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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