My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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