I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
