Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
