That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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