My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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