3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
