My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
