Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
