I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
