gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
