girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
