Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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