I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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