he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
