I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
