I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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