yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
