remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
