im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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