four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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